Is it possible to improve texture fears?

Many of my friends suffer from texture issues.  I'm talking about the type of texture issue that effects the mouth.  These friends find it nearly impossible to ignore the slimy feeling of a mushroom exploding in their mouth or mayonaise slithering down their throat. I have a few texture issues myself.  For example, I was asked to eat the outside of a kiwi at work a few days ago.  According to my principal, the furry brown coating has alot of fiber in it and is very nutritious.  Does fiber and extra nutrients cause a sinus infection?  Apparently it does for me, because I woke up with one the next morning. 

I have one friend, however, that doesn't seem to be bothered by any type texture.  Chewy, sharp, cushiony, glassy, spoiled, hairy you name it.....he will try it.  His name is Bentley. 

Okay Okay, I understand that it's not surprising that a dog wouldn't be afraid of the texture of a bone.  Just think.....how great would it be if we could chew on bones?  I would MUCH rather listen to people chewing bones at a movie theatre versus the hideous "crunch crunch crunch" sound of popcorn.  Who needs to stop at several gas stations on a road trip when you can have a bone the whole way?  Bone buying is economical.  Cut the cost of hors d'ouvres and turn your happy hour into chewy hour.  Bones are also a terrific conversation starter for a first date:

Boy:  "How long have you been working on your bone for?"
Girl:  "Ever since I visited my cousin in France.  It was a long flight and I needed something to keep me occupied."
Boy:  "You've been to France?  I would love to hear about your experience....."

Mmmmmm!  Nothing feels better on your tounge than a cold glass window.  If you suffer from allergies that cause your throat to feel a little dry and scratchy, try licking a glass window early in the morning or late in the evening.  It's especially effective in the fall because the frost covers the glass just enough to leave your throat and mouth feeling fresh.  Who needs gum, pricey allergy medicines, and popsicles when you have a free snack just outside your door?

Who would have thought an old couch cushion could satisfy your palate?  Have you ever tried licking your pillow after a long nap on a Sunday afternoon?  It's great because the texture of the clothy pillow eliminates bad breath temporarily.  If you give your pillow a quick lick, you will have just enough time to run to the bathroom and brush your teeth for a more permanent solution. 

Are you trying to be more "green?" Have you grown tired of traditional recyling?  Are you trying to find ways to eliminate global warming?  If you said yes to these three questions, you are ready to try the texture of trash.  It's a private affair.  This is not something you taste texture when someone is watching you.  Bentley usually practices his "green tactics" when he is in complete solitude.  Try taste texturing some trash while someone is in the bathroom, mowing the grass, or pulling some weeds in the yard.

Do you ever gaze out the window of your workplace and wish you could be somewhere else?  Don't we all!  Bentley discovered a solution.  All you need to do is chomp away at the blinds to your window.  Your boss will feel so bad that you have been cooped up in your office that he or she will force you out! 

For some reason, the texture of a "clean and showered leg," happens to be perfect substitution for breakfast.  This is especially great for those of you who are trying to lose a few pounds to help you look perfect for all the holiday parties.  Apparently, the soap remains on your leg is jam packed with natural vitamins that increase your metabolism.  After a quick leg lick from Bentley, he doesn't seem to care that he has a fresh bowl of water. 





I challenge you all to broaden your horizons and improve your texture fears.  Wether you decide to join the "bone movement", cure your allergies with some cold glass, or substitute your breakfast with leg licking, your palate and your bank account will thank you.